How do you fight a war elephant? Why pose such a question? Am I using the war elephant as a deep metaphor for problems in our complicated lives? Nope, this has to do with a video game I picked up this last weekend,
Rome: Total War. It's a strategy game where you fight historical battles during Roman times. It's so realistic that the History Channel actually used the game to illustrate how famous historical battles were fought and won. I absolutely love the game as it's both very enjoyable to play, and you get to learn about history. Bonus points: The game works on even older computers, which I have.
In either case, so I'm playing as a Roman faction, and I'm doing war with the Carthaginian armies in North Africa. I finally arrived at their capital city, and I'm about to wipe them out. When I finally attack the city, an unexpected foe stands before me and my prize. The Carthaginians are marching war elephants towards my army.
I quickly tried to recall a situation where someone had to fight a war elephant. I suddenly thought, oh yeah, Lord of the Rings: The Return of The King. In that movie, the humans take out war elephants by charging their calvary at it. I'll do the same thing, brilliant!
So I rally all of my calvary to the front lines, and order them to attack the elephants. They start charging, but when they get near the elephants, the horses start freaking out, and refuse to move forward. This is not what I had expected; apparently horses are afraid of elephants, go figure. The elephants then proceed to charge forward, stomping and goring my calvary. Wow, that was a spectacularly failed attack. It worked in the movies! After many more pointless deaths due to elephants, I withdrew my forces, and had to rethink a strategy.
This is an example of what went down, it was horrible:
I did some research in the game to figure out how to counter these dang elephants. The Roman solution: incendiary pigs (or war pigs). No, I am totally not making this up. Here's the
Wikipedia article on War Pigs:
War pigs, also known as incendiary pigs, are pigs speculated to have been used at most rarely in ancient warfare as a countermeasure to war elephants. The pigs were allegedly covered with tar, pitch, olive oil, or other flammable materials, set on fire, and driven towards enemy war elephants, with the intention that the elephants, terrified by the piercing squeals and oncoming flames, would flee in panic through the lines of their drivers' own army. A burning pig cannot be easily controlled, and could quickly turn into a loose cannon causing harm to friendly soldiers. However, the hope of stopping war elephants was enough to make war pigs a desirable tactic.
Pliny the Elder reported that "elephants are scared by the smallest squeal of a pig" (book VIII ch. 9). Antipater's siege of Megara during the Wars of the Diadochi was reportedly broken when the Megarians poured oil on a herd of pigs, set them alight, and drove them towards the enemy's massed war elephants. The elephants bolted in terror from the flaming squealing pigs often killing great numbers of the army the elephant was part of (Aelian, de Natura Animalium book XVI, ch. 36). The Romans would later use the squeals of pigs to frighten Pyrrhus' elephants, thus winning a great victory (ibid., book I ch. 38). Procopius, in book VIII of his History of the Wars, records the defenders of Edessa using a pig suspended from the walls to frighten away Khosrau's siege elephants.
Related military concepts include the concept of incendiary monkeys in China as a battlefield weapon.
There you have it, war pigs counters war elephants. How about that? Incendiary monkeys also sounds like an awesome asian weapon.
In either case, I hope you enjoyed reading this article, and I hope you feel a little more enlightened. I'm totally prepared now if I ever had to fight an elephant. Hmm... perhaps the Democrats should consider such a tactic for this November's election.
and hey, afterwards: bbq ribs!!!