Forty-two is how many minutes I spent dealing with technical support today, which is probably forty minutes too long. It all started when my internet connection decided to die three days ago, and it never came back to life. Clearly, there was something wrong with the actual internet wiring, and not some user error on my end. So, before I called tech support, I already knew the root of the problem, and I needed them to send a technician to take a look.
I call up my internet provider today to get my line fixed, and I'm greeted by a glorified voice mail system. The system reads out a bunch of menu items, and I work my way through the hoops. What was annoying was that some the system asks me to actually say out loud some of my options, and the computer has troubles recognizing what I'm actually saying. Five minutes after jumping through automated hoops, I'm routed to a guy named John in India.
John starts with pleasantries and annoying chit chat like how I am doing. Privately, I wanted my internet connection fixed instead of wasting time talking about the weather. He goes through his script and asks what my problem is, what my account number is, etc. This is annoying because I already provided all this information in the automated voice message system before talking to John. I tell him exactly what is wrong, but he insists on going through normal troubleshooting procedure. I play along even though I know a lot of his questions he's asking is not even remotely close to what's wrong. He exhausts all of his questions and transfers me to level 2 tech support. Huzzah, I leveled up.
I'm then routed to a guy named Adam who's based in the US. He asks the same basic questions again, like how many lights do you see on your modem. I insist on telling him, the INTERNET LIGHT IS BLINKING RED, I'M SEEING 100% PACKET LOSS there's something wrong with the line. He gets me to repeat newbie steps like unplugging the modem, and all that stuff. We go through more troubleshooting. Finally he decided to run a line test, and discovers that the internet signal is not even reaching my modem. There appears to be something wrong with the physical connection. We're going to have to promote you to level 3 tech support.
Rinse and repeat, and they conclude that they have to send a technician over to check the internet lines, which is what I told them initially. I was on the phone for 42 minutes before they would dispatch a technician.
I really wish there was a way for people with legitimate computer backgrounds, who know what they're doing, to enter a secret code or something when calling tech support. That code would tell tech support that the customer knows what they're talking about, so skip all the newbie troubleshooting questions, and go straight to solving the problem they present.
Under my secret code initiative, this is how the ideal tech support conversation should go:
Automated Voice System Hello, if you want to hear the following message in English, press 1. If you...
Chan: Punches in 1337
Tech Support: Hello Mr. Chan, your access code has been authenticated, and we see that you're someone skilled with computers, how can I help you?
Chan: Hi, my internet connection has been down for days, and there's something wrong with the physical line as I'm seeing 100% packet loss. Please send a technician to repair the line.
Tech Support: Alright Mr. Chan, we'll have someone over as soon as possible. Have I resolved the issue you were calling about?
Chan: Yes.
Tech Support: Goodbye.
END TRANSMISSION
Elapsed time: 1 minute.
